Some days are better than others

Most days I absolutely love being a mother to 3 young kids.
Most days I’m happy to spend every moment (up until 9ish) with at least one child by my side.
Most days I can deal with the crying and whining and take it all in stride.
Most days I’m thankful that I stay home with my kids instead of working outside the home.
But occasionally I just feel like I’m suffocating.
Like when Belle repeatedly comes to me with tears in her eyes because once-a few weeks ago-I mentioned that it might be fun to go to a friend’s house without me there and it is totally stressing her out. I’ve said don’t worry about it. We’ll work something else out. Over. And over. And over again.
Or when Little Bear always seems to want to be held just as I start fixing dinner. I think he’s like me and gets “irritable” when he’s hungry. His timing is impecable. It’s hard enough to cook holding Little Lamb, but a 2.5 year old? No thanks!
Or how I can’t make it through a simple trip to the grocery store without Little Lamb screaming her head off. Today, for instance, I put she and Little Bear in the double stroller and got a small cart for the groceries. It works great until she decides she must be held. RIGHT NOW!!! So Belle had to push the stroller and I held Little Lamb and pushed the cart. We managed ok until I put Little Lamb back in the stroller to leave the store. Man was she angry!!!! The whole grocery store heard about it. So I hurried out of the store, loaded the kids in the car, then put up the stroller and the groceries. I could hear her screaming as I walked the cart to the little cart return thing. There was a very brief moment that I considered keeping on walking. Not forever. Just for a moment. But I couldn’t leave Belle and Little Bear strapped in to their chairs listening to that by themselves.

I’m quite weary of J’s ER schedule right now. We’re nearing the end of a string of 6 night shifts. Not only is it stressful to not have him home to help in the evenings, but keeping the kids quiet during the day while he sleeps is very tiring.

Ok, I’ve complained enough. I’m in a funk lately and I’m so ready to snap out of it. I’ve always been the glass-half-full type. Weeks like these where I’m constantly tired, stressed to the max, headaches every day, feeling like a rubber band about to snap…I’m not at my best.

I need to go find my happy place. If only I could remember where I put it. Must be burried in the pile of junk mail on the dining room table…

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3 Responses to “Some days are better than others”

  1. Granted I only have two kids… but you are getting a small taste of what it is like to have a deployed husband. Makes you never want to take the little things for granted anymore!

    You can do it, take a deep breath and find that happy place… I know it is in you!

  2. I have vivid memories of my husband working night shifts for the TV station. We lived in a small suplex, and there were days that I just took the kids (the baby especially) and headed out to walk the mall or browse the grocery store, just to get them out of the house until naptime. Or lunchtime. Anything. I feel for you — that happy place will be accessible again. It will.

  3. I wish we lived closer and I would bring Kenny over to play with the kids for a few hours and you could go get a massage!! Do you have any girlfriends you could trade a “sanity afternoon” with? You know, trade an afternoon at each others house, playing with all the kids, while the other one goes for a drive, a walk, whatever. It works wonders.

    As far as the evenings go, I don’t have a constant issue with it, but Casey does travel a lot (every other week for three nights) and has many “business dinners”, and I struggle just with one little guy alone in the evening. No break. Let’s just say I’m glad Kenny can’t read a clock yet, and he goes to bed *really* early! hee hee

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